However, I recently argued that there are very few public speaking rules.

• Is “never apologize” a strict rule?
• What is the rationale? What’s wrong with apologizing to the audience?
• Under what circumstances, if any, is it okay to apologize?

Is “never apologize” a strict rule?

No.

I think that, in general, too many speakers apologize for too many things unnecessarily, but it isn’t a universal rule.

What is the rationale? What’s wrong with apologizing to the audience?

The fundamental rationale for this guideline is twofold:

1. You usually gain little by apologizing.
2. You may damage your credibility.

Consider the situation where you are designing a presentation. You’ve assembled a wealth of information, and it is time to edit your material. With each component — a slide, a prop, a story, a joke — you ask yourself whether it adds to the core message, or whether it detracts. Is there a net gain by keeping this?

You might ask the same question of inserting an apology into your presentation. There is often very little to gain by apologizing. On the other hand, you may damage your credibility with the audience. If you apologize for not being an expert, for example, your audience will begin to question why they are listening to you.

Under what circumstances, if any, is it okay to apologize?

There’s no magic eight ball which will tell you when an apology is warranted. Having said that, you may find it helpful to consider these questions:

Question #1: Is the audience even aware of what you are apologizing for?

• Norman Wei recently suggested: “Never tell your audience you are nervous!” The audience is usually completely unaware of your nerves. They can’t feel your butterflies. They don’t know if you lost sleep over this presentation.
• Similarly, you need not apologize if you forget to include something that you had planned. Only you know what the plan was. The audience will never guess.

How to handle it:

• Don’t call attention to negatives. They will only distract both you and your audience.

Question #2: Are you apologizing because you are really sorry, or because you are embarrassed?

• If it is the latter, it is quite possible that an apology will only call attention to and amplify the source of your embarrassment.
• For example: “I’m sorry. I was rushing to get these slides together.” The audience has probably already judged the quality of your slides. They likely don’t care that you are embarrassed, and are unlikely to think “Oh, that’s okay. No problem.” Instead, their mental response is more likely “You didn’t prepare adequately. You are wasting my time.“

How to handle it:

• Prepare adequately so that you have nothing to be embarrassed about or apologize for. Additionally, your confidence level will increase and improve your delivery.

Question #3: Are you apologizing for something completely out of your control?

• Example: Your presentation is interrupted by a very noisy air conditioning unit that has just “clicked on.” Some speakers may ignore it. Others may express their own disappointment with an apology “Oh… sorry for that.“
• Example: You are booked to teach a course into a room which is too small to accommodate your students comfortably.

How to handle it:

• If there is some action you can take, and that action improves your ability to deliver your message, then act decisively. (“Why don’t I move closer to you so that everyone can hear over that air conditioner.“)
• If there is no meaningful action for you to take, you might try to relieve the stress of the situation with some appropriate humor. The key is to acknowledge the problem without apologizing for it.

Question #4: What if I need to apologize?

• A speaker I mentored once told me of a presentation where she felt a compelling need to apologize. She described a strong feeling of guilt which was negatively affecting her ability to speak. Ideally, such feelings would not impact her ability to continue, but that was not reality for her.

How to handle it:

• If you feel this need, then deliver the apology quickly and sincerely. Don’t dwell on it or repeat yourself. Just resume your presentation. You may or may not lose credibility points from the audience, but there are far worse things you can do.
• The key thing is sincerity. A sincere apology may even gain favor of the audience. It all depends on the context.

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Have a Question? Contact me anytime, or find me on Twitter: @6minutes

Andrew Dlugan is the editor and founder of Six Minutes. He teaches courses, leads seminars, coaches speakers, and strives to avoid Suicide by PowerPoint. He is an award-winning public speaker and speech evaluator. Andrew is a father and husband who resides in British Columbia, Canada.